The Christmas and New Year period is positioned as a period of joy and happiness and the TV commercials show us ‘perfect’ scenarios with gleeful families in matching festive pyjamas and laughter abounding. But this isn’t an accurate depiction for many people, and the over-marketed traditionalism of Christmas hides a sobering truth that the festive period is a source of great worry, stress and anxiety for many people.
A family unit that is struggling does not suddenly become fixed just because it’s Christmas. Money worries can escalate, family disputes can come to a head, behavioural issues can get worse due to more socialising and alcohol intake and work issues can also reach breaking point as end-of-year deadlines loom. There are a number of factors which cause stress around this time of year, and if there are already cracks in a relationship or the family unit as a whole, these come under even more focus during the festive period as people spend more time with each other, larger family gatherings occur and there is more pressure to put on a façade that everything is ‘perfect’.
Here we have put together some tips to help manage your mental health during the festive period, which take into account the very real and common scenario that a family unit or a marriage could be breaking down.
Create space
Both mentally and physically, you need to have your own space at times during the festive period. Busy yourself in the kitchen or go for a walk, but escaping the suffocating cocoon of a large family gathering is essential for managing your own head space.
Keep active
You can sometimes have as much as a fortnight at home over the festive period, which is unprecedented time in a sometimes uncomfortable environment. Think about how you can keep busy. Often this takes care of itself with cooking, baking and cleaning, but think about keeping up with hobbies and getting out for physical exercise also. This releases stress hormones and helps you face each day with a fresh perspective.
Meet friends
Take the time to meet some friends and be yourself again, but don’t upset any prior arrangements with the family, and don’t meet people who might trigger an argument. Often when a relationship is breaking down friends can be seen as taking sides, so don’t antagonise an already fragile situation and try to meet ‘neutral’ friends who can help provide the emotional release you need.
Eat and drink sensibly
Drinking too much is almost obligatory during the festive season, but don’t be afraid to abstain and do it with moderation. Drinking can mask the fear and loneliness you might feel in an uncomfortable domestic situation, but it is only a temporary feeling, and it can bring deeper depression the next day. Equally, eating too much is expected at Christmas time, but make sure you balance your intake. Avoiding too much sugar, for example, is recommended for maintaining a healthy mind.
Have realistic expectations
As mentioned above, there might be a perception that everyone’s Christmas is picture perfect, but it very rarely is, and you are not alone if there are family tensions, unresolved conflict or family dynamics that reach a head at this time of year. It is important to stress that creating the ideal Christmas is not just up to you, everyone has a role to play. Reduce the stress on yourself before the hectic period starts. Set boundaries for how much you are going to spend, and how much socialising you are going to do, and stick to it. Christmas is about memories, not perfection, therefore setting realistic expectations beforehand helps to manage this.
Don’t say ‘yes’ to everything
Having too much on your social calendar can be exhausting, mentally and physically, and can increase your stress and anxiety. If you have social engagements or family gatherings planned over the festive period, try to have a pyjama day, a film-on-the-sofa day, or a long walk with the dog in between. Balancing your social time and relaxation generally is a good idea, if you pace yourself the festive season will feel less exhausting and will also help you catch up on quality sleep.
Don’t set deadlines
The phrase ‘New Year, New You’ is often heard around this time of year, but don’t let this pressure you into making decisions you are not ready for. The New Year might feel like a good time to make a big decision about your marriage, or other domestic issues, and yes, a new calendar year is an obvious clean break. But it is just the normal passing of time and essentially is no different to any other day, week or month passing onto the next. If you are not ready to make a decision or to confront a situation, don’t feel pressured into doing so just because New Year is coming up. Do it when you are ready.
At Consilia Legal we have expert family law solicitors who have supported people through the stressful festive period, when matters relating to divorce and separation, domestic violence and finance have come into focus. We can help you prepare for this highly concentrated period and to navigate the tensions and conflict which could arise, and to maintain good mental health throughout. So contact our team today and we can support you in making the festive period as peaceful and harmonious as possible.