It is common misconception that if there is a high level of conflict within a divorce, family mediation will not be appropriate for the separating couple.
As a mediator with over 13 years’ experience, I have helped many divorcing couples achieve successful outcomes in mediation where there has been a significant amount of conflict between them.
Here are some of the ways in which family mediation can be transformative when it comes to resolving conflict on divorce.
Future focused solutions
Family mediation works on the premise that the participants are working towards the future rather than focusing on past events. I will often speak to separating couples about the importance of moving past their different narratives or trying to convince the other person that their way of thinking is the right way. Instead, we focus on finding common ground and look at ways they can move closer to a mutual understanding which each of them can accept, even if their views on a situation differ.
Creating a safe space
Whilst most commonly family mediation takes place with the two individuals and the mediator sat in a room together discussing the issues in dispute, this does not have to happen. Where there is high conflict between the participants, family mediation can take place with each participant sat in a separate room. The mediator will spend time with each individual in their own space and relay their views to the other. This is often referred to as a shuttle mediation and means that the participants do not come face to face during the mediation session. This can assist in having more constructive discussions without fear of any direct contact causing the conflict to heighten.
Lawyer supported
In some high conflict divorces, the participants feel more comfortable having the support of their lawyer during any discussions with their former partner. I have conducted many mediations where the participants have truly benefited from having their solicitors present to provide them with the support and advice, they feel they need in order to effectively engage in the mediation. My experience is that lawyer supported mediation in high conflict divorces can have a real positive impact and can lead to successful outcomes in mediation which may otherwise have broken down.
Ask the experts
Some high conflict divorces are as a result of the participants having very different and strong views around the legal basis for any proposals that are being made. Within the mediation process, the mediator can involve other experts to help to clarify any legal disputes. For example, in a financial mediation, it may be that there is a dispute as to whether or not a particular asset of the marriage should be shared or excluded, such as inheritance. The mediator can involve a neutral evaluator, or a private judge known as an arbitrator to deal with this particular issue whether that is simply to give an opinion (evaluator) or make a binding decision (arbitrator). This can then help the participant to move beyond the impasse they have reached which may be the cause of the high level of conflict between them and move towards reaching an overall consensus within mediation.
If you are going through a separation and want to understand whether mediation can assist you in resolving your dispute with your ex-partner, I would strongly suggest arranging a one-on-one meeting with a mediator, known as a mediation information and assessment meeting (MIAM), to find out whether mediation or any other form of dispute resolution would be suitable to help you resolve your dispute.
At Consilia mediation, we have a specialist team of accredited family mediators who have a wealth of experience dealing with high conflict divorces. For more information, please feel free to contact us at enquiries@consiliamediation.co.uk or on 0113 322 9222.