When parents separate, the focus understandably falls on practical arrangements; where the children will live, how time will be shared, how finances will be divided, and how life will move forward. Unfortunately, in the midst of these big decisions, a child’s voice can sometimes be overlooked.
Yet children often have their own thoughts and feelings about what’s happening, and giving them the chance to share these safely can have a profound impact on their future happiness. That’s where Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM) comes in, a process that allows children to express their views to a specially trained mediator, so their perspectives can inform family discussions in a balanced and sensitive way.
If you’re considering CIM, here’s how you can prepare your child so they feel supported, respected and ready to take part.
1. Explain Mediation in Child-Friendly Terms
Start by explaining that mediation helps families make plans that work well for everyone. Keep things simple and reassuring for example:
“A mediator is someone who helps families talk and make plans after things change.”
This helps your child understand that mediation isn’t about blame or taking sides, but about helping everyone move forward in the best possible way.
2. Them About Their Role
Children can worry that their words might upset one parent or influence decisions. Reassure them that:
- They’re not being asked to choose between parents.
- Their feelings are important, but the adults make the final decisions.
- It’s okay to speak honestly, the mediator is there to listen, not judge.
- The mediator will only share those views and feelings that the child wants them to.
3. Keep the Focus on Feelings, Not Facts
Encourage your child to share how they feel about the arrangements, rather than focusing on what’s happened or who said what. The mediator’s goal is to understand the child’s perspective, not to gather evidence or assign blame.
4. Let Them Know What to Expect
Explain that the mediator is a friendly professional who regularly talks to children in similar situations. Sessions are relaxed; they might draw, chat, or use games to help express their thoughts. This helps take the pressure off and keeps things natural.
5. Avoid Coaching or Questioning
It’s important not to tell your child what to say or ask them for a “report” afterwards. The purpose of CIM is to capture the child’s genuine voice, in their own words. Encourage them to be honest and remind them they can choose how much to share. Reiterate that they are not being asked to make any decisions and that this is what you will be doing together as parents with the help of the mediator.
6. Discuss What Happens Afterwards
The mediator will only share what your child says if they give permission. This maintains trust while ensuring their voice can be represented in a respectful way during the adult mediation sessions.
7. Support Their Emotional Wellbeing
Understandably, children can feel anxious before or after their meeting. Offer reassurance, praise their courage and give them space to talk or ask questions if they want to. Knowing that their feelings are valued can help them feel empowered and heard.
How Consilia Mediation Can Help
At Consilia Mediation, our accredited family mediators are experienced in child inclusive mediation and understand how to create a safe, supportive environment where children feel listened to. We provide family mediation services in Leeds, Harrogate, and London, helping families communicate more effectively and reach child-centred solutions.
If you’d like to find out more about how child inclusive mediation can help your family, contact our friendly team on 0113 322 9222 or email enquiries@consiliamediation.co.uk .co.uk for a free 15 minute initial discussion.
You can also read further information and resources on how to support your children during divorce and separation.