In March 2021, Cafcass released a helpful document known as ‘Top Tips for parents who are separated’.
Parents can have a tendency to project their personal feelings on the child which can have emotional consequences. During separation, the court always considers the Welfare Checklist (a framework within Section 1 of the Children Act 1989 that the court must consider when making decisions about child welfare in cases where parents are separating). However, ‘Top Tips’ explain how parent’s behaviours and decision-making impact the child.
Here are a few tips for parents to consider who are deliberating or are in the process of separating:
- Think carefully about how to tell the child you are separating – parents know their child better than anyone else. Taking a unified approach and planning a conversation in advance on how best to support their child (including when and where the conversation will take place) will make the process easier especially for the child.
- Be open to co-parenting and flexibility – there are multiple considerations when deciding the time the child spends with each parent. This will include the parents’ work commitments, the children’s school and the location of residence. The priority during the early stages of separation is to ensure the child sees both parents on a regular basis to demonstrate a co-parenting relationship. Most importantly, consistency for the child is key. This will allow the child to feel safe, open about their feelings, and share any worries or concerns with the parents.
- Agree child arrangements between the parents, not with the child – it is important to prioritise the needs of the child and depending upon their age and understanding, consider their wishes and feelings. It is also important for them to feel part of the decision-making process. However, it is the responsibility of the parents to decide on what the arrangements are which will lessen the burden on the child.
- Steer away from making unilateral decisions without the other parent’s consent – although you both have parental responsibility, significant decisions about the child’s life such as school, names, medical treatment or relocation require consent from both parents. Making unilateral decisions without the other parent’s consent may lead to costly protracted legal correspondence and/or court proceedings which is not in the best interests of the child. Parents are encouraged to respect the other parent and to take on board their views in relation to key decisions.
- Consider alternate forms of communication – there may be some matters in which parents cannot agree. In those circumstances, parents are encouraged to engage in mediation to resolve and reach an overall consensus in relation to the issues in the best interests of the child without the necessity of court proceedings.
Consilia Legal offer a mediation service for separated parents including a specialist Child Inclusive Mediation service which is a process to enable children to express their wishes and feelings following the breakdown of their parent’s relationship.
Please contact Consilia Legal if you have any further questions in relation to legal matters concerning your child and/or in relation to the mediation services we offer.