When parents separate, there are often important decisions to make about their children's future. While those decisions remain the responsibility of the parents, children can benefit from having an appropriate opportunity to express their wishes, feelings and concerns.
Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM) is a specialist form of family mediation that can give children and young people a safe and confidential opportunity to have their voices heard during the mediation process.
At Consilia Legal, our experienced family mediation team helps separated parents work towards child-focused arrangements while reducing conflict and keeping their children's needs at the centre of discussions.
Our family mediation team includes Laura Clapton and Kelly Walters, experienced family solicitors and mediators who support parents in resolving disputes about children constructively and, where appropriate, without the need for Family Court proceedings. Kelly is an Accredited Family Mediator and also practises as a Hybrid/Integrated Family Mediator.
What is Child Inclusive Mediation?
Child Inclusive Mediation is a form of family mediation that enables a child or young person to have their voice heard as part of their parents' mediation process.
A specially trained mediator can meet with the child independently, giving them an opportunity to talk about their experiences, concerns, wishes and feelings.
The purpose is not to ask the child to make decisions or choose between their parents.
Parents remain responsible for making decisions about their children's future.
Instead, Child Inclusive Mediation can help parents better understand how their children are experiencing the separation and take their views into account when discussing future arrangements.
Why Involve Children in Family Mediation?
Separation can create considerable uncertainty for children.
They may be worried about where they will live, when they will see each parent, whether they will have to change school or how family life will change.
At the same time, children may find it difficult to express those concerns directly to their parents.
They might worry about upsetting one parent, appearing to take sides or making an already difficult situation worse.
Child Inclusive Mediation can provide an independent and neutral environment in which a child can talk openly without being responsible for the outcome.
It can help children feel that:
- they have been listened to;
- their feelings matter;
- they have an opportunity to ask questions or raise concerns;
- they are not responsible for making adult decisions; and
- their parents are considering their perspective when making arrangements.
How Does Child Inclusive Mediation Work?
Child Inclusive Mediation usually takes place as part of a wider family mediation process between the parents.
Before involving a child, the mediator will consider whether Child Inclusive Mediation is suitable for the family and discuss the process with both parents.
Where it is appropriate and the necessary consent has been obtained, the child can be invited to meet separately with a mediator who is appropriately trained to undertake direct consultation with children.
The meeting is designed to be informal and child-focused.
The child can talk about what is important to them, how they are feeling about the arrangements being discussed and anything they would like their parents to understand.
The child is not asked to negotiate with their parents or decide what should happen.
What Happens During the Child's Meeting With the Mediator?
The mediator will explain the purpose of the meeting and make clear that the child is not responsible for making decisions.
Depending on the child's circumstances, they might want to discuss things such as:
- where they spend time with each parent;
- school;
- holidays;
- friendships;
- siblings;
- communication with their parents;
- how handovers affect them;
- changes taking place at home;
- things they are worried about; or
- arrangements they would like their parents to consider.
Some children may have a lot they want to discuss. Others may have only one or two things they would like their parents to understand.
There is no pressure on a child to say anything they do not want to say.
Is Child Inclusive Mediation Confidential?
The child's meeting with the mediator is confidential, subject to the usual safeguarding exceptions that the mediator will explain.
Importantly, the child can discuss with the mediator what, if anything, they would like communicated back to their parents.
This can give children confidence to speak openly.
The mediator can then feed agreed information back into the parents' mediation process.
The existing Consilia process makes clear that information from the direct child consultation is only shared with parents with the child's permission and that the child is not asked to make the decision.
Does My Child Decide What Happens?
No.
This is an important distinction.
Child Inclusive Mediation gives children an opportunity to express their wishes and feelings, but it does not place responsibility for family decisions on them.
The parents remain responsible for deciding what arrangements should be made.
The child's views may help parents understand the situation from their perspective and consider whether their proposed arrangements genuinely meet their child's needs.
A child should never feel that they are being asked to choose between their parents.
What Issues Can Child Inclusive Mediation Help With?
Child Inclusive Mediation can potentially be helpful where separated parents are discussing issues such as:
- where their child will live;
- how much time they spend with each parent;
- overnight stays;
- school holidays;
- Christmas and other special occasions;
- communication with each parent;
- changing schools;
- relocation;
- international travel;
- relationships with siblings or extended family; and
- other important arrangements following separation.
It can be particularly useful where parents have different views about what their child wants or how proposed arrangements are affecting them.
Child Inclusive Mediation and Child Arrangements
Parents sometimes become focused on finding a schedule that appears fair between the adults.
For children, however, the practical experience of those arrangements can be very different.
A child might have views about frequent handovers, travelling between homes, school nights, extracurricular activities or spending time with friends.
Child Inclusive Mediation can help parents hear that perspective.
It does not mean that every request made by a child must be followed. Instead, their views can become one of the factors parents consider when developing workable arrangements.
Meet Our Family Mediation Team
Consilia Legal has an experienced family mediation team helping parents resolve arrangements for their children constructively.
Laura Clapton – Family Solicitor & Family Mediator
Laura Clapton is an experienced Family Solicitor and Family Mediator and is qualified to undertake direct child consultation as part of Child Inclusive Mediation.
Laura helps parents keep their children’s needs at the centre of discussions and, where appropriate, enables children to have their voices heard safely within the mediation process.
Kelly Walters – Senior Associate Family Solicitor & Accredited Family Mediator
Kelly Walters is a Senior Associate Family Solicitor and Accredited Family Mediator with more than 20 years' experience advising on family law matters.
Alongside her legal practice, Kelly works with families to resolve both financial and child-related disputes through mediation. She is also a Hybrid/Integrated Family Mediator, enabling solicitors and, where appropriate, other independent professionals to become involved in the mediation process.
Kelly's approach is practical and solutions-focused, helping parents work towards durable arrangements while minimising unnecessary conflict. Consilia's published client feedback also specifically highlights Kelly's ability to help parents focus discussions about childcare arrangements on what matters to their children.
Why Choose Consilia Mediation for Child Inclusive Mediation?
Family separation can be difficult for everyone involved, but children should not become caught in the middle of disagreements between their parents.
Our experienced family mediation team helps parents move discussions away from conflict and towards practical arrangements centred on their children's needs.
We can assist with:
- family mediation;
- Child Inclusive Mediation;
- child arrangements;
- parenting plans;
- online family mediation;
- Hybrid/Integrated Mediation;
- relocation discussions;
- financial and property mediation; and
- wider family disputes following separation.
With experienced family solicitors and accredited mediators, we can help you understand the different mediation options available and identify an approach appropriate for your family.
Speak to Our Child Inclusive Mediation Team
If you are separating and want to make arrangements that keep your children's needs at the centre of discussions, Child Inclusive Mediation may be able to help.
Our experienced family mediation team can explain how the process works, assess whether it is appropriate for your family and discuss the different ways mediation can help you reach an agreement. Contact us today on 0113 322 9222 or email enquiries@consilialegal.co.uk
